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Since Babs had come out of hospital and Elliot had gone home, Jilly felt the burden of keeping Babs safe, fell on her shoulders. Her friend was depressed and even though she was taking medication it would take a while for it to start working. Jilly felt that her own life was on hold. However, she always tried to act in a way that was moral and kind. She had called Babs first thing every morning, since she was discharged home and enquired how she was feeling and what she had planned for the day. Her answers tended to be the same and they were not encouraging.
Jilly had phoned Babs earlier and had got the usual reply to what she had planned for that day. Jilly reflected on the call.
‘Sorry Jilly but I just can’t be really bothered to do much.’
Babs had started seeing the Community Psychiatric Nurse but after an initial meeting with her, Babs, was told that she would only receive a weekly call. Babs had been told that the service would like to offer more, but they were short staffed. She was on a waiting list for group therapy, but she didn’t want to join a group. Jilly kept mentioning the circle of support and finally she asked her which other people she considered were close friends. She said that she liked Sue. Babs admitted that since retiring she had lost touch with a lot of her old work colleagues which had felt like family at times. People she had met through her Meetup were not really friends. Jilly felt she had needed to bite the bullet.
‘Would you mind if I met up with Sue and told her what you have been going through?’ Babs had hesitated.
‘I have been over burdening you haven’t I Jilly.’
‘I am not going to lie to you, I have felt the weight of your distress difficult to cope with over the last few weeks. I think it is time to draw in others who can support you.’
‘I have been selfish and proud. I have been pretending that what I have been through can be hidden.’
‘You have been through a very tough time and there but for the grace of God go we all. No one is exempt from these feelings. As you said one day we are full of purpose and leading busy lives juggling a lot of things and then one day everything slows down and we have time on our hands that we all find hard to manage. People who have partners have these feelings too, but when you live on your own the weight of filling all of the hours of the day and evenings can become too much. We also see some older people who seem to be living the dream, they have a loving partner and children living close by, who pop in and do things for them. They have lovely relationships with marvellous grandchildren. They go on exotic trips and everything seem so easy. They have someone to share the financial burden with. What do we have? We have freedom Babs and perhaps we don’t always value it.’
‘Well no one is beating us up, or mentally abusing us!’
‘I’d like to see them try!’
‘Yes I think you should meet up with Sue. Are you still getting messages from Harry because I am.’
‘Yes but I am ignoring them. I really don’t have the head space for Harry’s throws and cushions.’
‘How is your course going?’
‘I am a little behind but I will catch-up.’
‘All my fault.’
‘Your wellbeing is more important than interior design.’
‘That’s very noble of you Jilly. Did I give you Sue’s number?’
‘I can’t remember, send it to me again please.’
‘You will get on well with Sue she is quite a laugh.’
‘Her dating diary was a scream! I wonder how the dating is going.’
‘Well Sue is not one to settle and as I heard someone say about the internet. ‘There are plenty of fish in the sea of internet dating, but as anyone who goes fishing knows, the best fish get caught by those who know their territory and how to lure them with the most attractive bait.’
‘It annoys me when women settle for the sprats that are left behind. Men always punch above their weight.’
‘Yes but we don’t know what it is like to date a sprat.’
‘What sort of fish is Harry?’
‘Do you fancy him?’
‘He is attractive, intelligent, but so out of touch with life really. Why do men like Harry get themselves into those states of helplessness? His flat was a complete disaster before he got it deep cleaned. He is a bit clueless about a lot of things. I feel sorry for his ex-wife.’
‘I would describe Harry as a Parrot fish!’
‘Tell me more.’ Jilly had felt that Babs was showing some enthusiasm for this topic which was encouraging. She had felt like the old Babs was still there under her current sad exterior.
‘The males are considered to be very attractive and colourful and they tend to have Harems. If Harry could have his way I think he would like to still see Sadie, have the sexy Gemma and a few other women as well. I think he likes the cut of your jib.’
‘Actually when we went out for lunch that time, I got the distinct impression he found me rather dull.’
‘Just as well you aren’t interested in him Jilly. I don’t think you would ever have given those taxidermy animals a chance.’
‘Yes, but like a lot of women living in Hove we would like to have more male friends. Harry still has friend potential.’
‘Yes and some of us still harbour the thought that Prince Charming will come along and sweep us off our feet. Harry would never be true Prince Charming material.’
‘I have given up the belief in fairy tales a long time ago. I think I am also less tolerant the older I get. I am really not attracted to older men. I have recently learned that there is an actual name for what old people smell of. I think because some older men who live alone pay even less attention to their personal hygiene, they are more likely to smell old.’
‘Yuk, what is it they smell of?’
‘It is that sort of greasy smell and it is called ‘nonemal’, as usual the Japanese are all over it and produce special soaps which are meant to counteract the smell.’
‘You see Jilly what did I say? Growing old is shit!’
Jilly had realised at this point that the phone conversation was heading in the wrong direction. She was trying to help Babs get support and somehow they had entered a rabbit hole which was spiralling into the horrors of growing old. Jilly brought the conversation back onto the subject of Sue.
‘So I will contact Sue and invite her around to mine for a coffee. I have your permission to tell her what you have been through and that I am trying to build you a circle of support. Together we will support you and try and get some hope back in your life.’
‘None of us know what is around the corner Jilly.’
‘No, but it doesn’t have to be all bad. There can be good things around the corner too. At least we don’t think that finding a man is the key. Sometimes men are actually the problem.’
‘I like your positive attitude and I do appreciate your help Jilly. I want to feel positive, but I just don’t seem to have the energy for life that I used to.’
‘That’s ok, but send me Sue’s details and try and do something today which you enjoy doing.’
‘Ok, I will try. Let me know how you get on with Sue. Will you call me again tomorrow morning?’
‘Of course I will and like it or not, you will be getting these morning calls until I feel that you are in a better place.’
‘Thanks my friend and when I have more energy I will invite you here for coffee but at the moment I just feel like battening down the hatches and hibernating. I do appreciate your calls. You are a very kind woman and I won’t forget your kindness.’

Jilly remembered that when the call ended, she had taken a deep breath in and let it out noisily. She had always found that this usually calmed her. She waited for the text with Sue’s details to come through. After it arrived, she decided she would do some of her course work later. First she needed to go out for a walk in Hove Park. She found walking always helped her feel calmer. She knew that Babs’ situation reminded her of her mother. She couldn’t help her mother, but she felt she was able to help Babs. She wondered if there were any therapists in Brighton and Hove who specialised in working with older single women who were experiencing the sort of feelings that Babs was. She would go for her walk and then do some research. Jilly was younger than Babs and moving to Hove had been all about finding new energy and purpose. She was enjoying her new life and hoped that she did not find herself entering Babs’ world one day. Any research she did for Babs would be useful and with this thought in mind she went for her walk. Jilly had recently started making vision boards. After her walk she would return to the room she had turned into a study and work on her board. She wondered if she should suggest that Babs makes one. Jilly was a bit wary of making this suggestion as she felt that Babs was still in a very dark place. She didn’t want Babs to feel that Jilly was in some way trying to say, ‘look at me I have it sorted.’ Jilly hated people who pretended to be sorted when they most definitely were not. Jilly knew there were a lot of frauds out there.