copyright@gerryrose

JILLY PONDERS AND PANICS

 Jilly realised that she had been living in Hove for over 5 months. She didn’t regret leaving Norfolk. She felt that she had started to build some connections with her fellow single women. Babs was by far the best person she had met so far. She was a little concerned that Babs had still not returned her text. She really appreciated that there was a community of single older women in Hove, which there wasn’t in her village. She no longer felt that she was the odd one out. She liked meeting like-minded people who had loved and lost partners through divorce or death. She was also meeting women who had never married or lived with anyone. Jilly called these the professional singletons. She felt they had really mastered the art of living alone. When she had listened to the community radio programme and heard Sue’s dating diary she had not felt inspired to try and find a partner.

 She had found her visit to Harry’s flat and their lunch quite an eye opener. Harry was still a handsome man, but that was about it. She found him quite annoying. Over lunch he kept putting his ex-wife down. He had been divorced for over 10 years, yet he didn’t seem to have moved into the acceptance stage. He still seemed quite angry and bitter. According to Harry he had been the one doing all of the giving and his wife was a taker. When questioned closely it seems that his wife worked in a very responsible job and they had two children. It was clear to Jilly that Harry would have been entirely hopeless around the house. His ex would have been left with the lions share of the housework and child care. Harry claimed he was the sole provider but that was clearly not entirely true. Jilly thought he should have come to terms with things by now. She was never impressed by men who chased younger women.

 Whenever anyone tells you about their ex and why the marriage broke up, it is always worth realising that most people will tell you the version that puts them in the best light and casts their ex in a very poor light. She felt candour about the reason a marriage broke up is often lacking. She felt it was important to own what part each party had played in the break-up of a marriage, or relationship. There are always two sides to a story but the truth can be hard to accept. She chose not to speak about the break-up of her marriage. She didn’t want to cast her ex as the villain. She knew the part she had played. One thing Jilly noticed was that Harry spoke about his girlfriend Sadie in the past tense. He also kept mentioning Gemma. He said that he kept going to the Better Half pub on a Thursday at 7.30 hoping that Gemma would turn-up.

 Jilly texted Babs again.

‘Hi Babs, just getting a little concerned about you. Are you ok? You usually reply quite quickly to texts. Just letting you know I am here and thinking about you. Jilly x’

 Jilly didn’t think there was very much more she could do. She would never march round to someone’s home uninvited. She hated people who just dropped in on her without checking first. She wouldn’t like someone seeing her without her make-up or with her hair looking scruffy and wearing her yoga gear.

 Jilly was looking forward to September when she would be able to do her internship at the interior design shop. She was getting on with her online course, but at times she felt a little bored and lonely. She couldn’t just rely on Babs for a close friendship. She wanted to have a group of friends not large but enough to feel that she could have a good and varied social life. You need to have a circle of friends that you can call on to do the things that a city has to offer. She was happy to do things alone but she knew that it was always better to have someone else to do things with.  Meeting new people in your 60’s is not easy, she knew she would have to make an effort. She was aware that you had to go to Meetup events, take up new hobbies and join various clubs in the hope that you might meet people you can relate to. Jilly felt that most of us are drawn to people who are similar. She felt shared values were important.

 Jilly loved going to the theatre, she checked whether there were any theatre trip Meetups. She found one called Theatre and Cinema Buddies. This sounded great. It’s tagline or strapline she never could remember which one it was, said. ‘Fancy going to see a local play or film but don’t know anyone who wants to go? Join our Meetup and you will never have to go alone. We are a sociable group of 50+ people who enjoy seeing plays and films. We book our own tickets, but post where we are sitting. We meet in the bar or café before hand and often end up going for a drink afterwards.’ This sounded perfect to Jilly. The organiser was a woman with bright pink hair called Esther. She signed up to see the reduced Shakespeare Company at the Ropetackle in Shoreham on Saturday 29^th July. She had never been to this venue before. She could go by bus or train. The organiser told them that it was a free seated event on a first come first served basis. They would meet at 7pm in the bar and aim to take their seats at 7.30 for an 8pm start. She hoped she would meet a lively crowd of fellow theatre and cinema lovers.

 Jilly thought about her life and what she valued. She loved living in a vibrant city where there was always lots going on. She was pleased with her little house, it was the first house where she was totally in charge of the décor and she did not have to please or suit anyone else’s needs or tastes. She really did have carte blanche as to what colour scheme, or vibe she wanted to create. She loved the lively restaurant and bar scene. She felt grateful that Meetup was very active which it hadn’t been in deepest Norfolk. She knew that you had to pick and choose the people that you connected with at these events. She had learned early on to consider carefully where you sat at an event. If you were not careful, you could end up sitting next to someone with very poor social skills, or someone incredibly dull. Jilly knew that this was often just pot luck. She had learned that if you were unlucky enough to sit next to the wrong person at an event, afterwards you felt like you had been totally drained by that person. On many occasion she had concluded that she had wasted 3 hours of her life that she could never get back.

 Babs was a member of the Hove Croquet Club, Jilly wasn’t a sporty person. Jilly had never been tempted to learn to play Bridge or Golf. She would try the Theatre and Cinema Buddies Meetup. She quite liked walking and there were plenty of walking groups to join.

 She checked her phone. Babs had not read her message. Jilly wondered if she had said something which had offended her. She tried to think about the last time they had met and she could not identify anything which might have upset Babs. She didn’t know her well enough to know if there was anything in her life which might be upsetting her.

 Jilly felt that when women lived on their own they were inherently vulnerable. If they fell and banged their head who would know? She thought about the scene in the Brigid Jones film, where Brigid feared dying alone and being eaten by Alsatians. Jilly heard a story about a man who lived alone and fell downstairs. He lay at the bottom of the stairs alive, but paralysed. He had lain there 3 days and his cat was watching him. He was convinced that the cat who must have been starving, would have eaten him eventually. Fortunately for him he had a girlfriend who had a key and when he had failed to answer her messages she had gone round and found him. Who would know if she fell downstairs or fell and hit her head in the bathroom like another friend? She felt she was too young to buy one of those pendants. What if Babs was lying at the bottom of her stairs? Jilly started to feel quite panicky. She didn’t know how to contact Trish who seemed to know Babs really well. She decided that if she had not heard from Babs by noon the next day she was going to go and knock on her door and she wrote a letter which she would post if there was no reply. She would also look through the letter box and check whether Babs was lying at the bottom of the stairs.

 Jilly texted her daughter and asked her when she was planning to visit her. She didn’t bother texting her son. Her son was very good at contacting her when he needed something. She knew that perhaps she should be glad that he was obviously coping quite well. No news was good news sometimes.