BOB’S REVIEW OF THE CLEANING COMPANY ‘JENNY LIKES DIRT’.

copyright@gerryrose

 Bob waited until Gordon and Sandra had left at tea time on Sunday 21^st May before he wrote his review. The weekend on the whole had been dull and boring. He didn’t want to admit this to Marsha. He had really missed his passionate times with Marsha in their special times room. When he first met Marsha he had been so nervous about telling her about his kinky preferences. It was really hard to tell her that he wasn’t really divorced he was a widower. He had to wait a while before he fully divulged how his wife had died. Most women would have walked out but Marsha was made of tougher stuff. She said that if the CPS at not found there was a case to prosecute him then why would she think that he was guilty of his wife’s death. The coroner had ruled it was misadventure and Marsha accepted that. She never allowed him to go anywhere near her neck during their sessions. He made sure that they both had a safe word that was unlikely to be misinterpreted.

 He had enjoyed reminiscing with Gordon about the good times they had spent in their youth on 18-30 holidays. Sandra was a quiet little mouse in comparison to Marsha. She had no tits, which Bob always found strange because Gordon had been a huge tit man back in the day. Bob was also a huge tit man and Marsha had such a lovely pair which he had paid for. Marsha had suggested that Sandra’s tits might have become desiccated during the menopause. Bob didn’t like to think about desiccation. Marsha had insisted that they did a walk across Devil’s Dyke. Sandra did not have the most suitable shoes and this caused Gordon to insist that they stayed at the pub. Sandra and Gordon got a bit pissed which surprisingly had actually annoyed Marsha.

The weekend wasn’t a total failure, they had all enjoyed their dinner at the Little Fish Restaurant on the Saturday night. The front of house man Robert had been excellent and the food was superb. It was expensive but Bob liked showing Gordon how well he had done. Back in the day Gordon felt he was top dog and used to like to flash the cash. The tide had turned and Bob didn’t like to admit that the pay out on his wife’s life insurance had boosted his disposable income quite substantially.

 So at 5pm Bob had no excuse, he would write this review on Neighbour Nextdoor about Jenny. He was less than pleased with her!

 Bob felt that his post about Jenny needed a dramatic opening.

‘Warning! Don’t use the cleaning company ‘Jenny Likes Dirt.’ Jenny is a voyeur. I have footage of her nosing around our house. She likes to snoop. I am not someone who has anything to hide. I do object to a cleaner who opens a trunk at the end of your bed to see what is in it. She also was given strict instructions about which rooms to clean, yet seemed to think it was ok to snoop and have a look at the other rooms that she had absolutely no business entering. She is cheap for a reason! I hate to think what she would do if anyone had a secret life that they didn’t want anyone knowing about. We are all entitled to our privacy. Her company sounds like some sort of business which makes nasty little porn films, or is into something as kinky and depraved as BDSM! Don’t use her despite the good review my wife gave!

I am so pleased that I have cameras which record everything which goes on in my home. You can’t be too careful these days. My Hove Park property is highly desirable. I would encourage everyone to get cameras installed in their homes too.’

 Bob didn’t run his review past Marsha. He posted it and waited to see if anyone commented. He didn’t have to wait long. Carl of Hangleton posted his response.

‘I think your wife’s review was accurate and kinder than yours. Thou protests too much mate! I think you have loads of kinky stuff which Jenny has eyeballed! Let’s see how Jenny replies! LOL’

The next person to reply was Harry of Hove Actually.

‘I have to say that your review is rather nasty. Jenny is thorough and perhaps her so called ‘snooping’ was part of her very thorough assessment of your cleaning needs. I prefer your wife’s review. I wonder why you feel the need to have cameras in every room in your house. You have too much money and perhaps you are the voyeur! I certainly wouldn’t want to visit the lavatory in your Hove Park house!’

Bob found Harry of Hove annoying. He seemed to know Jenny which was a surprise. Carl and Harry seemed to have started the accusatory ball rolling. The next person to post was Sherry of Poet’s Corner.

‘Typical post from some over privileged tosser living in Hove Park! Jenny is trying to earn a living mate and is using her bare hands to do it. I bet you have loads to hide or otherwise you wouldn’t have bothered to mention her looking in that trunk at the end of the bed!’

 Bob wondered why no one from Hove Park had posted something in his defence. Then the bombshell dropped.

Anonymous of Hove Park posted.

‘If I were you I would lie low and shut up now. Some of us know how your first wife died. You must be very naïve if you don’t think that people who have installed ‘equipment’ in your home haven’t been in the Hove Park Tavern blabbing about you and your predilections.’

 Bob felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart. He didn’t know what to do and he couldn’t possibly tell Marsha about this but he knew she would see these posts.

 He felt a sense of impending doom. A vision of his dead wife flashed in front of him. She was saying something like:

‘Why oh why, did we use a safe word like less which you interpreted as yes!’

Bob thought hindsight was always such a marvellous thing. He would compose himself and wait a few minutes before going downstairs. He wondered if he could delete the thread of this discussion but feared it was too late now. He thought about his dead wife and realised for the first time that he had never really taken responsibility for what had happened to her. He realised that at many levels he was a totally selfish, arrogant prat. Of course, he would never ever admit this to anyone and preferred to think of himself as a self-made man who had achieved a lot of material wealth. He thought about Marsha and how gorgeous she was. He realised he had been very lucky in life. Impending doom did not feel good and neither did he.