Copyright@Gerryrose

  Following his phone-in to the radio show. Harry was hopeful that his suggestion that people who were listening to the show about dating over 60 would turn up to the Better Half pub the following Thursday at 7.30. Harry was very hopeful that Gemma would come along. He walked into the pub at around 7.25 and ordered a glass of soda water. He scanned the room for the lovely Gemma, but he did not spot her. He did however spot a woman that he recognised from a Meetup. She was known as Moaning Minnie and most people regretted spending any time in her company. Harry made sure that he did not make eye contact with her. There were a few women who Harry did not recognise, but he recognised the style of a woman over 60 who lived on their own in Hove. Blue, pink and magenta hair seemed to be popular. He understood that women over 60 felt that they were invisible. He didn’t think dyeing your hair a ridiculous colour was the best option. He also didn’t feel that dressing like clowns in colourful tents helped these women connect with anyone. He sipped his soda water and felt incredibly disappointed. Sadie was still an option but he had noticed that their phone calls had become more and more intermittent. He had not been invited to visit her during August as had become their norm.

 Harry thought about his party and realised that he had done very little about the deep clean. He went home and looked at recommendations for cleaners on Neighbour Next Door. He read a glowing account from Marsha in Hove Park about Jenny. Harry didn’t think her business’s name gave the best impression. ‘Jenny Likes Dirt’ struck him as a better name for a porn star. He messaged Jenny and was delighted to receive a very quick response. She would be more than happy to visit him on Monday at 2pm for an inspection visit. Harry thought this was wise and he was delighted that she would not charge for this. Harry felt proud that he was doing something positive to move his life on.

 Harry messaged Sadie to tell her about the cleaner. She didn’t reply. This was a new development. He knew he might be a bit paranoid but Sadie was usually quick to reply.

 Jenny was punctual. She buzzed at dead on 2pm. She was a little out of breath when she reached his flat. Harry didn’t want to judge her but she was a little chunky. He hoped she wouldn’t find his flat too hard to cope with. She was wearing a tabard emblazoned with her companies name. She had a rucksack which contained her favourite cleaning products. Jenny shook his hand and asked if she could just walk around his flat to get an idea of what was going to be the best cleaning plan. Jenny explained that she liked to carry out an assessment and then write a series of plans which would be designed to solve the issues she had seen. She told Harry that she had bronze, silver, gold and platinum options according to his budget. Harry had never hired a cleaner before, so was intrigued as to what Jenny would come up with. He left her to wander and assess. She remained silent through the whole process which took around 30 minutes. She was scribbling profusely in her note book. He did offer her tea or coffee but Jenny said she had her hydrogen water with her. Harry had no idea what that might be.

 Following her assessment Jenny asked if she could sit down and explain what she had concluded.

‘Harry I can see that cleaning your flat has been a challenge for you. You are not alone and may I say what a lovely flat it is. It is in a very desirable area of Hove and deserves to be the best it can be.’

Harry felt there was bad news coming.

‘Harry I think your flat is suffering from lack of refurbishment. By this I mean that the flat’s wear and tear factors have not been addressed. I am afraid that the only way this flat will look its best is if you replace the kitchen, the bathroom and the carpets. Your walls need repainting too. I think you would also benefit from new sofas, bed and a dining table.’

Harry looked a little shocked. Jenny continued.

‘I think you are looking at spending about 30k at least, to get this flat looking at its best. However if this is beyond your budget I would suggest that I can get your flat looking great for around £500.’

Harry gasped.

‘What would that entail?’

‘Ok, Harry I would suggest that you go and visit a friend for 5 days. I would start in your bathroom. I would attack the extreme lime scale in your lavatory with my own special mix of planet safe chemicals. I would deep clean the stains in your bath. I would clean the grouting in your bathroom and leave it looking like new. I would clean your bathroom carpet. Some advice to you Harry, never lay carpet in a bathroom, it is simply a nightmare to keep clean and odour free. I would attack the kitchen next. Your kitchen is crying out for sugar soap. Sugar soap cuts through grease. I also have a special mix for cleaning tiles and splash backs. I will clean inside the cupboards too as well as the doors. The floor will benefit from my steam cleaner. I will move onto your bedroom next. Would you mind me stripping your bed? I think your sheets would benefit from one of my special stain removing powders. I would like to remove everything which is under your bed and give the area a good vacuum. I always look up when assessing Harry. Throughout your flat you have some spectacular cobwebs. The furniture in your bedroom needs a good clean and  I would suggest that you buy two new matching bedside cabinets. You could do with two nice lamps as well. Of course I will then move to your sitting room. Is there any reason why you have 5 nests of tables?’

‘Oh they come in handy.’

‘When Harry? Can you tell me a time when 5 nests of tables were every used in your flat?’

‘No I suppose I can’t.’

‘Yet you have no dining table. I would suggest getting a small foldaway table with two folding chairs. You would have room for them if you ditch some of the nests. Any reason why you have a mishmash of sofa throws? Can I take a look at the sofas without the throws?’

‘Yes I suppose I was worried that the sofa’s would get dirty.’

Jenny looked at the sofas and decided they would be better covered up.

‘Nothing wrong with getting some nice throws that match Harry. What’s going on with the pinecones in the fireplace?’

‘Nothing really.’

‘Do the fairy lights work?’

‘Not anymore.’

‘Lastly but not least, what the hell are those dreadful taxidermy animals doing here?’

‘Ah they are my roadkill animals.’

‘Yes Harry they look like they met a very tragic end but I would suggest that you either get rid of them or put them in a box in a cupboard somewhere.’ Once they have exited we can give the surfaces a good deep clean. I can sense their stickiness from here and I don’t even need to touch them.’

Harry felt a little shell shocked. He knew Jenny was right and he needed someone to sort him out. He didn’t think £500 was expensive really. He knew he would have to buy the bedside tables, lamps, throws and dining room set on top of this. He thought about the positives. He would have a flat which was not a complete turn-off for a prospective girlfriend. He could hold his party and see where that would lead to. He shook Jenny’s hand and said they had a deal. She insisted on 50% up front transferred to her bank account and the rest in cash on completion. They agreed a date. Harry transferred the money the moment Jenny had left. He called his sister and she was more than happy for him to come and stay. She was delighted to hear that Harry was sorting his flat out. She said it would save Harry money on hotel rooms when Sadie came to stay. Harry didn’t want to give his older sister too many details of what he was really up to.