Copyright@roseg1 Rose

 Gemma had been doing a lot of thinking since the incident at Babs’ party. She knew that she had a lot to be grateful for. She was 66 but looked much younger. She worked hard at this and never having had children, or ever being married helped. She had focussed most of her energy on herself throughout her life. Yes she was a mistress and had been playing this game for about 36 years. She had realised at the age of 30 that she had no desire to be someone’s wife and it helped that she loathed children. She used her assets and flaunted them on every occasion. She had found that once you had let go of the desire to find a husband and become a mother, it was very freeing. She had focussed on her career and her teaching qualification and Psychology degree had enabled her to earn a good salary. She had invested in property and had a good portfolio of desirable properties which earned her an even better income. She could afford to join the best gym in Brighton. She could afford to take holidays in very exclusive resorts, where there was always a married man who was more than happy to join her once his wife had gone to bed. She did prefer rich married men who could take her to very desirable destinations and who would also lavish her with expensive gifts.

 Yes she had been hurt by Ying, but probably not for the reasons that Babs’ thought. She had no desire to have a jerk like Harry in her life. She was upset by the fact that Ying had wanted to put her down. She did actually agree that there should be a special place in hell for women who put other women down. She also knew that some would consider that being a mistress is putting a whole load of women down. She didn’t agree. She believed that men were not naturally monogamous. She also believed that some men had excessive libidos which their wives had no desire to fulfil. She had met so many men who had absolutely no idea how to pleasure a woman and she felt that she had taught them some very useful lessons which surely must have benefitted their wives. She knew that there would be women who found this hard to believe. She also believed that there were women who brought this stuff on themselves. She often used to pass by a local school at dropping off time, she was horrified by how some women let themselves go once they had children. She also knew plenty of men who let themselves go too. Gemma would never entertain this sort. She preferred men who took care of themselves and kept themselves in shape. She believed that if a woman lets herself go, particularly after she once focussed her energy on being a hot woman in order to catch her man, it was her fault if her husband strayed once she stopped trying. Gemma never stopped trying.

 She was looking forward to doing the radio show. Gemma was fascinated by the internet dating scene. She felt it was definitely heavily weighted in favour of men. Men always punched above their weight in life, because women were usually so insecure and were more willing to settle. Gemma had never settled and she was so astounded by how women were very adept at self-delusion. A lot of women were susceptible to flattery. If a man told them they were beautiful even if they looked like ‘the back of a bus’, some women were completely taken in by this. Even though it was radio Gemma felt she should dress the part. She wore a purple top with a deep v which showed off her cleavage to its advantage. She had a pair of skin tight black trousers and her purple ankle boots. Her elegant black linen jacket was perfect for the mild weather that they had been enjoying recently.

  Gemma got to the studio with time to spare. She was a little nervous about meeting Alan’s wife again she felt sure that Rhona knew about her and Alan. Alan was not one of her most important lovers. He was useful to her as this event proved. Gemma was never going to turn down any publicity for her business. She pressed the buzzer and Alan greeted her at the door and gave her one of his special hugs. He whispered into her ear before he led her to the studio.

‘We must have one of our special liaisons soon my love.’

Gemma gave Alan one of her perfect smiles. Rhona was in the studio wearing an outfit which Gemma could only describe as beige and brown. These were never colours which Gemma would consider wearing. Alan took her to the green room. He explained that regrettably Sue was unable to join them as she was unwell. Gemma was secretly delighted but made the right noises and said it was a shame.  

 Alan outlined the running order. He would introduce the show and give its premise, that it was about living in Hove Alone and what this was like for women and men over 60. Throughout the day the trailer announcing the show had been broadcast and people were invited to call in with their comments and questions. He said there would be a window for this once Rhona had read extracts from Sue’s dating diary. He said he would pose the questions and then the calls would come in live. Alan explained that Gemma’s role would be to answer the dating questions and any other questions which seemed relevant. Alan warned Gemma that some of the callers might be rude and abusive and they would be cut off. Gemma wasn’t phased by any of this.

 The recording studio was in a soundproof room with a glass panel separating it from a small ante room. Gemma was shown which microphone she needed to use when the questions came in. After the 2pm news which was read by a rather bored sounding woman who was obviously reading it off a BBC website, Alan launched into his Spiel.

‘Hi, I am Alan Hubbard and welcome to Hove Actually radio, your local station for local issues. Welcome to my issue of the week phone-in programme. Every Thursday we try to discuss an issue which is relevant to our listeners. Last week we had a phone-in about the Hove urban fox issue. Things got quite heated. This week we are focussing on growing older in Hove. We know that more and more people in their later years are living on their own.  Our phone in today is ‘What is it like to live in Hove Alone when you are over 60 and would it be better if you had a partner? We understand that a lot of women move to Hove to retire. We have learned that women over 60 are mostly thriving in Hove. However women who don’t want to live alone are finding it difficult to find partners in Hove. We have focussed on the heterosexual community as we feel Hove attracts older women who are attracted to its image of being more sedate, cleaner and flatter than Brighton. Arthritic knees are never going to cope with Hanover! I have interviewed a woman who we will call Mandy in order to protect her identity. She has been dating men in Hove for a few months and has kept a diary. My adorable wife Rhona will now read an extract from Mandy’s diary. It is quite entertaining. After Rhona has finished reading we will be taking calls. We are lucky to have Gemma Wright with us today. Gemma is a dating coach and specialises in coaching older men and women who are hoping to find a partner. Please phone us if you are a man living in Hove who would like to find a partner. Phone us if you are a woman who can relate to Mandy’s account of trying to find a man who lives in Hove. Phone us if you are over 60 and have found a venue in Hove which is a hotspot for finding a more mature partner? Which dating websites do you find are better for older people living in Hove. Phone in with questions for Gemma. I would like to thank our sponsors for this programme. If you are considering making a will don’t forget that our sponsor Funeralsforu offer a deal in conjunction with Hovewillsrus. You will get a very good discount on both your will and funeral by using our sponsors. Over to my lovely wife Rhona who has put up with me for over forty years of marriage.’

 Gemma sat in the studio and listened to the pre-recording of Rhona reading ‘Mandy’s’ diary. She did find it amusing even though she detested Sue. Voices were important to Gemma and she had to admit that Rhona has a wonderful voice. After about 15 minutes of the recording Alan cut in.

 ‘So thank you to my wonderful wife Rhona. Now everyone listening It is your time to phone in and comment. I just need to thank our other sponsors. If you have mobility problems don’t suffer in silence. We recommend you visit the mobility shop in Portland Road Hove. They have a wonderful selection of aids to get you up and moving again. Don’t forget ‘use it or lose it.’

 Alan signalled to Gemma to be ready for the calls. Alan played the Hove Actually Radio promotional announcement whilst waiting for the calls to come in. However, he didn’t have to wait long.

Alan announced that they had their first caller on the line. Bob from Hove.

‘Hi Bob welcome to Hove Actually radio and thank you for calling us about our issue of the week which this week is ‘What is it like living in Hove alone when you are over 60?’ What is your comment on this topic?’

‘Well thank you Alan. This is my first time doing anything like this.’

 To Gemma Bob sounded like he needed to have his sinuses flushed out. He also had a definite adenoidal whine which seemed to be an affliction which a lot of people who phoned into programmes such as Alan’s. Bob definitely did not have a voice for radio.

‘Bob we are so happy that you have called. What would you like to tell us today.’

‘Thanks Alan, I moved to Hove about 10 years ago with my lady wife. We divorced 3 years ago. I am 66 and have just got my bus pass. I must say that I have no desire to meet some old crone who is looking for a man. The men o pause is just that. It is telling women that they need to leave men alone. I prefer nice premenopausal women with wet pussies.’

Alan cut the call and looked at Gemma and mouthed ‘sorry’.

The next woman whom Alan announced as Kate sounded a little familiar.

‘Alan I’d like to know what makes Gemma think she is qualified to be a dating coach?’

Alan signalled to Gemma to turn her microphone on and speak.

Gemma whilst a little annoyed by the tone of this caller she was not going to get rattled.

‘Hi Kate, I have a degree in Psychology and I have a level 3 qualification in coaching. I also have a teaching qualification. My clients always receive a free 30 minute session with me and to date 99% come back and want to pay for my 50 minute sessions. I have lots of testimonials from very satisfied customers.’

Alan gave her a thumbs up sign. Kate however wasn’t going to give Gemma an easy time.

‘Hove is a village and I know people who know you and they tell me that no one who knows your background would take any advice from you.’

Gemma was a little shaken now but kept her cool.

‘That’s fine Kate. None of us reach our age without falling out with a few people. I always say that if you reach 65 and have never fallen out with anyone this can be explained quite easily. 1. You don’t have many friends anyway and you are not really a people person. 2. You are a bit of a doormat. 3. You must be very bland and boring. 4. You are lying. 5.You have low self-esteem. You probably don’t fall into any of these categories Kate. Did you enjoy Mandy’s diary?’

Alan gave Gemma a look.

‘Oh yes I think it was very funny and so well written.’

 ‘Kate I know ‘Mandy’ and unfortunately she is never going to find the right man for her.’

Kate seemed a little annoyed.

‘And what makes you say that Gemma?’

 ‘Mandy needs to take her clothes off and look at herself in a full length mirror. She needs to accept her own imperfections before finding them in other people. Men and women over 60 have to be realistic. They should stop judging the book by the cover. Most people over 65 have a cover which is not in a great condition. What is going on inside is what is important. Unfortunately internet dating is all about the cover. I really wish that there was a pub in Hove which would be brave enough would to run over 60’s dating nights. This would be the best way of getting real women and men to meet in the way we used to back in the day. We would all prefer that eyes meeting across a room moment.’

Alan gave Gemma another thumbs up sign. Before cutting in with.

‘Kate thank you for your call. We are just going to listen to another of our sponsors and then it will be back to the calls. During the advert for the Hove dementia café, Alan questioned Gemma.

‘How are you doing? She was a bit harsh.’

‘Alan don’t you know who ‘Kate’ is?’

‘No.’

‘Alan that was Sue! She was trying to disguise her voice but I know it was her.’

‘Oh how awful. She pretends she is ill so she is free to call in and have a go at you!’

‘Yes.’

‘She must realise that another reason you are a dating coach is because you get lots of dates.’  

‘Alan what I find so hard is how ready and keen women are to put other women down. Where is the ‘sisterhood’?’

‘There must be some sort of sisterhood in Hove?’

‘Yes but not if you are perceived as a threat.’

The advert came to an end. Alan thanked the sponsors.

‘Unfortunately we are coming to an end of the programme and we only have time for three more callers. We have Harry on the line. How are you doing and what is your question?’

The moment Harry started talking Gemma knew it was Harry from Bab’s party. He had a rather condescending tone to his voice as if he had spent a lifetime mansplaining, which he probably had.

‘Well I’d like to make a suggestion. I think Gemma’s idea of a pub in Hove running a dating night is excellent however we should start this ourselves.  The Better Half pub would be a great place and it has the most appropriate name. How about everyone who is listening to this show turns up at the pub next Thursday night at around 7.30? I really hope Gemma will be there to offer some advice.’

Alan cut in.

‘Well Harry thanks for your suggestion and thanks for calling in now over to our next caller Fred from Hangleton.

There was heavy breathing on the line and Alan was about to cut the call when someone spoke.

‘Hi Alan, it’s Fred here I am a bit breathless today. I would like to say that I found Mandy’s diary rather cruel.’

Gemma smiled.

‘Ok Fred what are your circumstances?’

‘I am also an ex-fireman and my lungs have been affected. I think Gemma is right we need to be a bit kinder and I think it would be great if some of the pubs encouraged these sort of senior dating sessions.

Alan cut in. ‘Thank you for your comment Fred and thanks for the contribution that you and your colleagues have made and continue to make to our lives. Over to our last caller John. John what do you have to comment on you only have about two minutes.’

‘Alan thank you. I would like the men who are listening to join Meetup groups across Brighton and Hove. More women than men attend these groups. You will find a Meetup for every interest that you could possibly think of.

Gemma signalled to Alan that she would like to comment. Alan nodded and pointed to her microphone.

‘Thank you John and I totally agree with you. Older men seem to be reluctant to join these Meetups. I would like to encourage more of them to do so. I would also like to encourage any of the listeners to consider visiting my dating coach website. Gemmathehovedatingcoach.co.uk should be enough to find me.

Alan thanked John and did his final closing speech. He thanked the sponsors, the callers his wonderful wife and the lovely Gemma. He also thanked those who called in with a genuine desire to contribute and add useful comments to the discussion. Gemma did not feel that Bob and Kate would be included in this category.

Gemma declined Alan’s offer of a cup of tea after the programme had finished. She had enough of people by then and needed to retreat to the sanctuary of her home. Gemma always felt the need to be alone after she had spent several hours with people. She knew that she was lucky that she enjoyed her own company. She had spent time and money on making her home as comfortable as she could. She liked nice things and felt that she deserved the very best. She thought about Sue and felt a little sad for her. Sue was clearly not a content person. Gemma did not speak about happiness as she felt this was a fleeting emotion. People these days expected to be happy all of the time. Gemma felt that Sue was possibly a little depressed but she did not feel that she could readily forgive Sue for her antics this afternoon. Gemma had been happy with how the show had gone on the whole and it was publicity for her dating coach work. She wondered who would contact her after hearing the show.