COPYRIGHT@GERRY ROSE

 Harry contacted Babs to run the idea of his Happy Hours at Harry’s party past her. He told her that he thought she had a huge well of common sense. He respected the fact that she was straight talking and if she thought something was bullshit she would not shy away from being honest. He had invited Babs to visit his flat to see the venue for his party and discuss the best way to hold such an event. He told Babs that he thought her party was fantastic and he really was no expert at parties.

 Babs felt a little sorry for Harry. On the surface he seemed to have it all, but she could always tell when there was a mismatch between what you saw and what you got. Babs knew the real reason why Harry wanted to hold an event at his flat and wanted to meet with her to discuss it. Harry was after Gemma. Babs had insisted that Jilly was invited along to discuss the event. Babs told Harry that Jilly was the best person to advise on ambiance and the right look. Babs also felt that Jilly was a far better match for Harry than Gemma.

 Babs had also just got off the phone from Sue. Sue was in a full rant about Gemma and how she had popped up at Alan and Rhona’s and was now taking over the radio show. Babs felt a bit of perspective was needed. This was a Community Radio show and not Radio 4. Who actually tuned in to these shows anyway? As far as Babs knew it was mostly poor sick people in hospital, who really didn’t have much choice in the matter. She didn’t know anyone who actually subscribed to these community radio stations and in her opinion they served to boost the egos of the amateur radio show presenters. Babs doubted that these presenters would ever be hired by proper radio stations. She suggested that Sue should listen to one of these radio programmes and she would soon realise that this was really nothing worth getting wound up by. Let Gemma have her day.

 Having calmed Sue down, Babs phoned Jilly and set a date to visit Harry. Jilly sounded quite enthusiastic about advising a man on his décor and Jilly explained that she had started some interior design courses and was looking for places to work in order to gain experience.

 They all agreed that the following Thursday would suit them all. Babs was looking forward to visiting a Brunswick Square apartment, they were so desirable.

 Jilly and Babs met at the bus stop. As usual Jilly looked like she was about to go on a fashion shoot. Her blonde hair was perfect with not a hair out of place. She was wearing a pale blue trouser suit which seemed to perfectly match her eyes. She had a dark blue pashmina draped over her shoulders and to Babs she just exuded beauty and style. The nice thing about Jilly was, that she was totally oblivious of her charm and beauty. She was such a hard person to dislike, even though it was tempting. They caught the bus and chatted freely about what had been happening over the last few weeks. Jilly was really enjoying her interior design course and was looking forward to seeing Harry’s flat.   

 They got off the bus at Brunswick Place and walked to the flat. They pressed the buzzer to Harry’s flat, both having a giggle that they had no idea that Harry’s surname was Hope. Harry Hope was an optimist they decided. Harry buzzed them in and they climbed the 3 flights of stairs to his flat.

 Later Babs would describe this visit as ‘eye-opening and stomach churning’. She could not speak for Jilly, but she felt that any thoughts that Babs had that Harry and Jilly might become an item, dissolved the moment they stepped into that flat.

 The first thought that Babs had as she crossed the threshold was a strange one. She was transported back to being a not so young mother, of a 3 year old boy. She had been determined that her son was not going to become a man who peed on the floor and never lowered the lavatory seat. She heard about the ping pong ball trick and also knew about the fly on the wall of the urinals at Schiphol Airport. She was also never a fan of carpets in bathrooms or even mats around lavatories. It was quite obvious to both Jilly and Babs that Harry was oblivious to all of these matters. Babs managed to supress her desire to pinch her nose as she walked past the bathroom. The sitting room was interesting. Harry appeared to feel that all sorts of mismatched furniture covered in a variety of different throws and cushions was on-trend. Babs could almost feel Jilly’s angst. Jilly was not someone who could tolerate things which did not match or were ugly. There was a very elegant fireplace which Harry had filled with dusty pine cones intermingled with some very dusty lights. What was really disconcerting was the large number of rather weird looking taxidermy animals which sat on every dusty surface of the room. Dust seemed to be something which Harry excelled at. The animals ranged from squirrels to badgers, foxes and rabbits and they all looked as though they had suffered greatly before they died and certainly did not look happy now. Harry also liked nests of tables which were set next to every chair and sofa. They looked as if they had never been cleaned and Babs knew they were sticky without even having to touch them.     Babs plucked up some courage and ventured into the kitchen and after opening a few cupboards and drawers she departed quickly. She saw Jilly standing by the open window in the sitting room looking flushed and distressed. It was clear to Babs that Jilly who loved perfection was not coping very well in this environment. Harry was totally oblivious to how Jilly looked and disappeared into the kitchen to make coffee. Babs knew that it was best that Jilly left. She let her out of the flat and told her to wait for her in Salvage a coffee place which was not far from the flat.

 Babs was straight and to the point with Harry.

‘Harry you need to get this flat deep-cleaned before you invite anyone here. You don’t seem to possess sufficient glasses, plates or cutlery to entertain here. What on earth do you do when Sadie visits?’

‘Well to be honest she has only visited once and insisted that we moved to a hotel. I am the one who usually visits her in New York. She has high standards you see.’

 Babs was tempted to comment, but chose to stay silent on that matter.

‘Harry get the place cleaned and then invite me back. I have lots of spare plates, glasses etc that I can lend you.’

‘Are things a bit off here?’

‘Harry you have a very desirable address, but to be frank this flat is a shit hole!’

Later when telling Jilly about what she had told Harry, Babs was struck by the totally incredulous look on Harry’s face. She was even more intrigued as to his relationship with Sadie. She totally got why Sadie didn’t want to stay in that flat. Before she left she decided to take a look at Harry’s bedroom. She knew why women filed for divorce and were happier once they divorced. She knew why men like Harry wanted to find another woman to take care of them as quickly as possible. Experience had taught Babs that where men were concerned, they were either controlling neat freaks or incredibly messy disorganised creatures who struggled to understand what laundry baskets were and why it was important to change their sheets and it was apparent that Harry had not changed his sheets for quite some time. Skid marks on bed linen would never be a turn-on.

Babs needed to use Harry’s bathroom, even though she knew this would be like the time she visited her son at Uni and learned to visit the loo at the service station before and after visiting his student flat. The smell of pee was over-powering and there appeared to be something organic growing in the lavatory bowl. Babs assumed this was lime scale, but she wasn’t totally sure. There were stains in the bath that Babs was totally unable to decide what possibly could have caused them. She chose not to dry her hands on the hand towel for fear that she would pick up some dreadful infection.

Harry was very grateful for her visit and assured her that he would be contacting a cleaning company that afternoon.

Babs had one last question for Harry.

‘Harry what’s with the stuffed animals?

‘Oh just a past hobby of mine when I lived in deepest Gloucestershire. I used to find a lot of road kill and this was something I enjoyed doing at the time. My wife never really liked them and made me keep them in the garage. This is why they have pride of place in my flat.’

Babs felt that bad taxidermy was another very valid grounds for divorce.