COPYRIGHT@ GERRY ROSE

Sue was pleased to receive a response to her email quite quickly.

Hi Sue,

Rhona and I have very much enjoyed reading your dating diary. We think this forms the great basis to a phone in. We would love to meet again to discuss how we could proceed with this. We have a friend who is a dating expert. She found your diary very interesting and quite hilarious. She feels that you have some very valid comments to make about dating over 60. She would love to meet with you me and Rhona to discuss how best to turn this into a helpful community radio piece. She feels that some of the charities which promote ageing well, might want to be involved too.

What are your initial thoughts?

If you want to go ahead give us a call and we can set up a date to meet.

Your friend Babs hasn’t contacted us. Do you think she wants to be involved? If not do you have any other friends who might have strong opinions on dating over 60 and other issues which you feel our listeners might be interested in.

Best wishes

Alan and Rhona.

 Sue noticed that yet again Alan was the driver in that relationship. He was the one to reply and make all of the suggestions. Sue knew that she could never have survived in such a relationship she had never made the best passenger. She wondered who this dating expert was. She wondered how old she was. The last thing Sue was going to tolerate was some fresh faced 20 something with perfect eyebrows and plump lips telling her how to attract some old gizzard.

 One of Sue’s daily sports was to log on to her dating app and take screen shots of incredibly unevolved men. They were plentiful. They just never seemed to realise that their total lack of self-care was going to be such a huge obstacle to love. Not everyone was born with good bone structure and twinkling eyes but everyone could make the most of what they had and it was obvious that some men didn’t have a clue.

 Sue started to write a self-help guide for older men who were signing up to internet dating. She certainly felt that she would be able to do this better than the fresh-faced gal.

SUE’S GUIDE FOR MEN OVER 60 WHO ARE POSTING A PROFILE ON AN INTERNET DATING WEBSITE

• Before you consider dating, think about what you are looking for. Do you want a fling or a proper relationship?
• Are you physically and emotionally ready? Failed relationships can lead to behaviours which are self-destructive. Have you really moved on from your ex or do you still feel a little bitter and resentful? Men tend to rush to fill the gap before they have worked out what went wrong in the previous relationship. Money spent on a counsellor might be money well spent
• Spend time on writing a good profile as women feel this is an important way of finding out about you and they spend time reading them and swipe right far less than men
• Consider what is going on in the background of your photographs. A messy room will be off putting. Shelves full of your marvel toys will not impress. A successful woman expects you to have your shit together too!
• Sort your teeth out. Clean them and consider remedial work if your teeth look like those more befitting a sick horse. No decent woman with self-respect is going to want to kiss you and halitosis has never been a turn-on
• Look at your eyebrows. Are they wild and unruly? Give them a trim before you take that photo. Most women over 60 who take care of themselves expect you to do this too
• Don’t take a photo in the bathroom mirror as this signals you have no friends but if you have to make sure the room is clean
• Hair or no hair? If you are bald be proud no point wearing a hat to cover it
• Long hair-this is either a turn-on or a turn-off but at least ensure it is clean and tidy. You are old enough to know who Catweazle was
• Band T-Shirts, Football shirts, earrings-are you sure you know who is going to be attracted by this look?
• Don’t wear sunglasses in every photo because we think you are hiding from your wife
• Fish-no women are impressed by the size of your fish!
• Write a profile and be honest because women read them
• If you sound too perfect you are probably not!
• Tactile-this phrase equals groper in most women’s minds
• Saying you like cosy nights in on the sofa with a bottle of wine=I am a cheap bastard and am not prepared to wine and dine. Most decent women are prepared to go Dutch these days
• What do you mean by ‘I am looking for my partner in crime.’
• Please don’t use the phrase, ‘please look like your photographs or you will be buying the drinks until you do.’
• Action men-If the main focus of your profile is how physical you are, then perhaps you need to consider if this really all you feel you have to offer at your stage of life
• Also consider if women really want to see a photo of you snogging your dog
• A man with a cat might be a red flag
• You will naturally try to punch above your weight. Men always do. However, be honest about what you really have to offer and be aware that if you exploit your position, there is someone exploiting you too! Wouldn’t you prefer to be on an equal basis?
• Visit any Asda or Morrisons and you will see the results of disgusting ugly old men exploiting women from Thailand. Do you really want to join their ranks?
• We don’t really want to see photos of your beer belly clothed or unclothed
• Yes it is a mine field!

 Sue arranged to meet Alan, Rhona and ‘the dating expert’ the following Thursday at Alan and Rhona’s flat in Lansdown Place. Sue thought quite carefully about what to wear to this meeting. She didn’t want ‘the dating expert’ to dismiss her as an ugly old lady who never stood a chance of finding a man at her age anyway. Sue had spoken to Babs who was quite adamant that she didn’t want to get involved. Sue couldn’t think of any of her friends who might like to join her. Unlike Sue most of her friends had given up on internet dating and were focussing on doing the things that they found enjoyable such as travel, playing bridge, volunteering, theatre, wining and dining. Brighton and Hove offered so much for the single older woman that the lack of a partner never seemed to be such a loss. Sue felt her internet dating was a sort of sport and perhaps it was a way of reassuring herself that she was doing all that she could to attract someone if that someone was meant to come into her life. It was why she also bought a lottery ticket.

 In the end she wore her skinny jeans, ankle boots, crisp white shirt, leather jacket. She had a small black leather shoulder bag. She had made sure that she had washed and blow dried her hair into a sleek bob and she sprayed herself with Chanel. As she applied her lipstick she wished her lips were plumper, but she was not going to get fillers.

 Later after the meeting, she wished she had asked the question before meeting Alan and Rhona. It would have been quite within her rights to ask the name of the dating expert.

Sue pressed the buzzer on the flat in Lansdown Place and she guessed it would be Alan who answered and she was right. She opened the door and let herself into the building and then had to climb the 3 steep flights of stairs to the flat. Sue ever practical and the ex-Community Matron felt like advising Alan and Rhona to move before a medical emergency forced a move. She was happy to find that she was still able to speak when Alan opened the door and invited her in. The hallway smelled of peppermint which Sue found quite surprising. Alan offered to take her jacket but Sue felt she might need the warmth. Alan led her into the small sitting room. Sue was quite shocked to see Gemma sitting on the sofa. Gemma of course knew she was coming and handled her arrival with grace. Sue took one look at Gemma and felt a small wave of anger rise.

‘No need for introductions Alan. I know Sue. Hove is like a village you know and women like us we are all sort of interconnected.’

Sue looked at Alan and the way he looked at Gemma and something clicked. At this point Rhona emerged from the tiny kitchenette. She looked like a very dull brown bird next to Gemma. She greeted Sue and asked her what she would like to drink. For a second Sue was tempted to say a stiff gin, but accepted a cup of coffee which was made in a fantastic beans to cup coffee maker. Sue decided to be civilised and see what Alan had to suggest.

Alan took charge, he had a printed agenda and Rhona was assigned to take notes.

Alan asked Sue to read a section of her diary. She read a few sentences and then Alan stopped her and told her that he did not feel that she had a voice for radio. He asked Rhona to read and it was agreed that Rhona had a voice for radio. Sue realised that this had been decided long before the meeting and it was Alan’s way of ensuring that his wife felt valued and included. Sue did not really mind as long as she was given credit for the content which they were more than happy to do.

Gemma was asked to comment on the current world of internet dating. She was given the title ‘Internet Dating Psychologist’ and Sue was surprised to learn that Gemma had a degree in Psychology and had launched a podcast entitled ‘Older women and the internet, an exciting opportunity to change your life in your sixties.’

Sue had not heard this and also doubted that Gemma was the best person to do this. Sue just had to swallow her anger and think about the radio programme and how it might benefit her. Sue felt that her diary and her guide to internet dating might be something that would benefit others. However, Gemma felt that her guide was discriminatory and non-inclusive. The upshot of the meeting was that the radio programme would go ahead. Rhona would read extracts of Sue’s diary and a phone in would then follow. Sue would be in the studio but was not allowed to respond to callers. The person who was allowed to respond to callers was Gemma.

 Sue wondered at a later date why she agreed to this.