copyright@Gerry Rose

 Sue lived in a retirement flat not far from Portland Road. Babs suggested that they met for coffee at The Tealeaf. Babs told Sue that she hoped it wouldn’t be too crowded because she wanted to hear a blow by blow account of Sue’s dating and have a good catch-up.

 Sue and Babs arrived at the café at the same time, it was a sunny day so they decided that they would sit in the garden at the back. They ordered cappuccinos and found a table. There was only an elderly couple sitting sipping coffee and reading newspapers. Sue looked at the couple and felt a degree of envy. They looked like they were in their mid-seventies and probably had enjoyed a long and happy marriage. They had each other and they probably just enjoyed doing nothing much together. Sue always felt that she had to keep busy and have a full diary. She spent as little time alone as possible. Sue knew that Babs used to say that Sue would turn up to anything regardless of whether it was going to be interesting, or enjoyable. Time spent on her own felt like torture to Sue. She was lucky she had a good NHS pension and had plenty of money to indulge her love of travel, theatre, dining, improv and Glyndebourne. She had a good circle of friends. She had a quick wit and an irreverent sense of humour, which had always been useful when she was working for the NHS.

Sue noticed that Babs was keen to get some feedback about her party.

‘Did you enjoy the party and please be honest Sue.’

‘You know me Babs I will turn up to anything rather than spend time alone. Your do was very pleasant. I loved the food and there was plenty of it and a lovely mixture of flavours. Those Baklavas have increased the circumference of my waist by two inches!’

‘Ha! And what did you think of the mix of people?’

‘I liked the new lady.’

‘Jilly?’

‘Yes, there is an interesting back story there I am guessing.’

‘Yes, I don’t know a great deal but she has emerged a little bitter after a rather acrimonious divorce.’

‘She is stunning and I can’t believe that she will remain alone for long.’

‘Well I don’t know if there is anyone apart from Harry who would be suitable for her.’

‘Isn’t he taken?’

‘So we are all led to believe. What did you make of the Ying and Gemma incident?’

‘Reminds me of that quote about there being a special place in hell for women that don’t help other women out. I think there is a special place in hell for women who bad mouth another woman, in front of a man in order to make themselves look better.’

‘We all know women like that Sue.’

‘Yes but they don’t pretend they are sooo supportive like Ying does.’

‘Yes I think she showed her true colours.’

‘I don’t particularly like Gemma, but putting her down like that in front of a man was not great.’

‘The thing is Harry gave Gemma his phone number but don’t tell anyone I told you that!’

‘He is a dark horse.’

‘I don’t think Sadie actually exists!’

‘Well he wouldn’t be the first man in Hove to invent a girlfriend to get the desperate single women off his back!’

‘You know that guy Colin, who runs the coffee and chat group for people who are trying to reduce their dependence on alcohol?’

‘You have told me about him.’

‘He is always banging on about his girlfriend in London. He always makes a point of mentioning it whenever a new woman joins.’

‘Yes I remember you telling me that.’

‘Well he is on the dating site I am a member of. He logs in every day.’

‘Interesting and I do understand. There are some very predatory single women of a certain age in Hove. I know that from running my Meetup group. My friend Anna who plays bridge, says that any single man who joins their club has the pick of the most attractive women. They almost throw themselves at the new men.’

‘Being on your own is not easy Babs.’

‘Yes but being with the wrong man is worse I think. Anyway tell me all about your dates!’

‘Nothing to get excited about. Single men in their 50s and 60s are generally a rather unevolved bunch as you know.’

‘Sue you have to give it a go, because if you don’t you will always wonder won’t you.’

‘Yes and I believe the world is kinder to couples. I think there is a hint of judgement about divorced people. I think being married sends out a message that you are an ok person and of course if you have never been married or had children there is another level of judgement I think.’

‘You see I’ve never seen it that way.’

‘At least you’ve been married Babs. Those of us who haven’t often think we have missed out on something.’

‘Having been married, I don’t see marriage through rose tinted spectacles. Living with someone is not easy. There has to be a lot of compromise and give and take. It is not surprising to know that women are just better at doing that and because of that, they often end up compromising far too much.’

‘Doesn’t everyone want to find their soul mate?’

‘Bollocks Sue! You have been reading too many trashy formulaic novels!

Babs suddenly became aware that the couple at the other end of the garden had stopped reading their papers and were staring at Sue and Babs.

Babs watched as the couple whispered to each other. The man got up and came over to their table.

‘I am terribly sorry to interrupt your conversation.’ He spoke with a voice not dissimilar to the late Sir Lawrence Olivier. ‘My wife and I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation and I hope you don’t mind but we have an opinion on the subject you are discussing.’

Babs and Sue looked at each other a little dumb founded. Bab considered his remarks for a few seconds and then replied.

‘Ok I am sure you have an opinion. In my opinion you may well have been listening into our conversation which is your right. I might not be interested in your opinion, but I can’t speak for my friend here.’ Sue felt slightly bemused by this man approaching them. She noticed that his wife looked a little embarrassed and remained seated at their table. She was intrigued as to what this couple wanted to say to them. Sue was curious enough to actually want to know what they thought.

‘Well I don’t think there is any harm in hearing what you and your wife think. I am prepared to listen and if I don’t agree I am likely to tell you both.’

The man smiled and beckoned his wife to join him. His wife rolled her eyes but made her way over to the table that Babs and Sue were sitting at.

‘I am Rhona, sorry for this intrusion and this is Alan we have been married for 50 years. We have a proposal for you. I think it is only fair that we order some more coffees for us all. Two more cappuccinos ladies?’

Sue was quite struck by the fact that Rhona looked a little embarrassed by Alan. She was now quite fascinated about what this couple were about to say.   Rhona went to order the coffees. Alan remained surprisingly silent until his wife returned.

‘As I said my wife and I were rather sneakily listening into your conversation. We looked at you both and we concluded that you were two high status women. We are retired actors and we have always known about the status of the characters that we have played.’ Sue introduced herself but Babs kept silent.

Sue was wondering what was going to happen next. Were they a polyamorous couple looking for some extra fun? Since joining the dating site Sue had been amazed by the number of men who said they were polyamorous. Sue thought that being polyamorous was an ambition for most men. Unfortunately the men declaring themselves as polyamorous on the dating site were just punching above their weight as they tended to be plug ugly. Sue certainly didn’t fancy Alan. Sue had often wished she was a lesbian, because she thought it would be easier to relate to a woman. However, Sue had no desire to visit another woman’s vagina.  

‘Get to the point Alan!’ Rhona rolled her eyes yet again.

‘Well yes we run a radio station and we would like to interview you and get a debate going about aging and romance in Hove. We wouldn’t be able to pay you much, but we thought what you had to say about being single would be fascinating.’

Rhona chipped in.

‘We thought ‘Hove Alone’ would be a good title. Our station is called Hove Actually.’

Sue had never heard of this station. She looked at Babs and did not get the impression that Babs wanted to do it. Babs seemed to ponder for a few seconds and then replied.

‘I will think about it, but I certainly wouldn’t want to give my real name.’

Alan was quick to reply.

‘That would be fine. What do you think Sue?’

‘I have been keeping a diary of my internet dating, perhaps I could read some excerpts to get the discussion going.’

Alan smiled. ‘That could be interesting, perhaps you could email us some excerpts so we could see if it would work for radio.

Email addresses were exchanged and Alan gave them one of their business cards.

‘Feel free to google us, you never can be too cautious these days. Now we have to go and I think we have intruded quite enough. Lovely to meet you both.’

Rhona smiled and apologised yet again. Sue had the idea that Rhona had more than 50 years’ experience of apologising for her husband. She remembered something her sister used to say about her husband. ‘You can’t take him anywhere, apart from back to apologise.’ Sue wondered if this was common amongst couples. A sensitive and aware woman, married to an unaware pushy man. She thought about some of the men she had dated recently and they definitely were a somewhat unaware bunch.

‘Well that was all a bit odd Sue.’

‘Yes but I wouldn’t mind doing a radio programme, it’s something a bit different isn’t it. Who knows what it could lead to.’ Sue didn’t realise that her words were somewhat strangely prophetic