COPYRIGHT@GERRY ROSE

  Babs decided to have a party to celebrate spring. She had avoided having a 70^th Birthday party, so why not just have a random party? She drew up a list of people to invite and she also thought it would be a good way for Jilly to meet some people in Hove. Babs always maintained that she really could fill every room in her house with great women and now here was her opportunity to prove it. She would hold it on Saturday 15^th April. She didn’t want an evening event and would make it a lunchtime party between 1 and 6pm. The list of male guests was proving to be difficult as she had predicted, she was struggling to find any single men who would match her great female friends.  Harry was on the list and Babs told him that he could bring Sadie but unfortunately she was not going to be able to attend. Babs did wonder if Sadie actually existed, as no one had ever met her and the photos Harry had of her were never of them together. She was always photographed on her own, or with her children. Perhaps she didn’t want Harry to be mistaken for her dad. Harry was supposedly visiting her once every quarter, but who could prove where he went. She cannot remember seeing any photos of him in New York. Babs was a naturally suspicious person. Anyone who spent 37 years as a Police officer would be.

 Babs decided that she would order the food from a local Turkish restaurant Fish Mekan. She had no desire to be tied to the kitchen. Babs was reluctant to invite some of the other men who attended her Meetup group, however she felt she needed to try and balance the invitation list and include some men regardless of how interesting they were. She set up a WhatsApp group with the title Spring is Sprung. Babs invited Harry, Timothy, John, Clive and cockney Gordon. Babs hadn’t seen cockney Gordon for a while because he had found a woman to put up with him. However, Gordon turned up at one of her walks with a tale of woe about being dumped and Babs felt sorry for him. Everyone called him cockney Gordon even though he was a native of Brighton. He just enjoyed talking in cockney rhyming slang. She felt 5 men was plenty.

 She had invited lots of fabulous women, not all were women she actually admired or liked, but she felt she should try and fill her house as she always claimed she could. They would certainly put the men to shame. Babs’ house was quite small. Her house had a kitchen which was large enough to include a dining area. A good sized patio garden was accessed through French doors in her kitchen. Her sitting room and dining room were open plan.

 She would serve Prosecco, bottled beer and white wine. She would encourage people to bring a bottle to ensure that she didn’t run out of booze. She looked at the restaurant’s menu and felt 3 different types of Hummus, large trays of mixed Meze, Borek, Falafel, Yaprak Sarma and 30 pittas should be enough to help the alcohol to be absorbed. She ordered lots of Baklava and different types of Turkish Delight for dessert. She hoped that the conversation would flow and that everyone would behave themselves and get along.

 Babs woke up early on the morning of her party and was pleased to see that it wasn’t raining. The forecast was a high of 14 degrees which was around 52 degrees in Fahrenheit which Babs still found she could understand better and know what sort of temperature to expect. She had grown up in the pre metric age. She dressed accordingly. The local weather report said that the sun would attempt to break through the clouds at some point late morning.  She had told people to arrive at 1pm and the food would be delivered at 1.45. She had put a nice cloth on her kitchen table for the savoury food and another on her dining room table for the desserts.

 Babs always said that the ugliest and dullest people arrive first at parties and Clive proved her right. Clive arrived at 12.45 wearing a fleece covered in wolves and carrying a bottle of Cava in an Asda carrier bag. He told her that he had left the campervan at home and had caught the bus so he could imbibe. Babs knew that only men like Clive who she considered socially awkward would use the word ‘imbibe’ without any hesitation. Despite living in the so-called tolerance city, Babs knew that the older she grew the less tolerant she was growing towards people like Clive. She felt a little guilty, but she could not help who she was. She felt that people should just accept that this was how she was. She felt she was too old to change now. She never considered herself cruel and she did not think of herself as non-inclusive but at times she just felt some people regardless of gender, sexual orientation, colour, race, class or creed were just irritating. In her opinion Clive was one of these!  Clive stood in her kitchen totally unaware that no host ever wants guests to arrive 15 minutes early. Babs opened his Cava and poured him a glass. She suggested that he sat in the sitting room whilst she did her last minute preparations. She busied herself ensuring that there were sufficient clean glasses and did anything that prevented her from having to listen to Clive mansplaining why he had cancelled his membership to the Caravan Club. True to her prediction at 12.50 Timothy arrived. He looked as dishevelled as ever and was clutching an Aldi carrier bag which contained a bottle of ancient looking mulled wine. He explained that he and his dead wife always liked mulled wine. Babs told him that if he wanted to heat it he should go ahead. She wondered why anyone would want to drink mulled wine in spring but she had given up wondering what made people tick long ago. At 12.55 John arrived and he had a Waitrose bag with a rather nice bottle of Bloomsbury English sparkling wine. Babs opened it and poured them both a glass. She introduced John to Clive and Timothy. John very wisely steered clear of both of them and went out into the garden which was small but pleasant which had the last remnants of the spring flowers.

 At 13.05 the first of the women arrived. Maria was wearing a lovely periwinkle blue fitted dress with a white jacket. She had brought a bottle of champagne in a cooler. Her cross body bag was daffodil yellow as were her boots. Maria kissed Babs on the cheek and glided through the door. Babs suggested that Maria joined John in the garden. Maria gave Timothy a look as he stood stirring his mulled wine. She did not acknowledge him but went out to the garden to greet John. Babs suggested that Maria might like a glass of John’s English fizz. She reluctantly accepted it. 

 Trish arrived at 13.10 looking a little worse for wear. She was clearly wearing clothes which were thrown on with very little thought as to whether they matched. She explained that her old friend Tara had stayed the night and they had sat drinking into the small hours discussing their days as hacks at the Daily Mail during the 70s. Despite her night of drinking Trish brought a very nice bottle of Brouilly, which Babs was happy to open and let breathe. Trish spotted Clive in the sitting room and decided to wait in the kitchen for the red wine. She ignored Timothy.  

 Jilly arrived at 1.30. She was dressed top to toe in cream. She looked stunning. Her hair looked salon finished. She had bought Babs the most exquisite bunch of flowers and chocolates from Audrey’s and a lovely bottle of Chablis. Babs was pleased to see her new friend.

‘Jilly welcome to my tiny house! I think you should avoid the sitting room as Clive will staunch your will to live. Maria and John are in the garden I will pour you a glass of John’s fizz before we open yours.’

 Shortly after Jilly arrived Harry rang the bell. Babs dashed from the kitchen to greet him.

‘Welcome to my humble abode Harry I know you central Hove types struggle to venture into west Hove.’

‘Babs I will do anything for you! Yes this is really not Hove as I think of it, but here I am with a bottle of fizzy water because I am on a detox!’

‘Any reason why?’

‘Sadie reckons I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.’

‘Don’t most of us who aren’t Muslims?’

‘Anyway I have decided that my relationship with Sadie is worth more than drinking.’

‘How admirable Harry. I suggest you go into the sitting room and chat to Clive.’

 Sue arrived next. She was wearing a nice pair of chinos and a lovely white shirt. Sue had given up drinking but hadn’t lost her ability to have fun. She true to her style clutched a bottle of Prosecco for Babs and a bottle of Fentiman’s lemonade for herself. Babs steered her towards the kitchen. She whispered to Sue.

‘How is the dating going?’ The roll of Sue’s eyes told Babs everything she needed to know.

‘I think internet dating when you are over 60 is actually a form of self-abuse.’

‘Enough said Sue and you won’t find any men here who would make you change your opinion. I’ll pour you a lemonade. The food should be here soon. Let’s meet for a coffee next week and you can tell me all about it.’

‘Well I have been keeping a diary.’

‘You could always publish them as a blog.’

‘I think I might be lynched if I did that.’

‘Do you really think that the men you have met would have the self-awareness to be able to recognise themselves?’

‘Why do we all have such low opinions of men?’

‘Because we are wise Sue! Remember wise women keep hold of good men and toss the rotter’s out. Unfortunately many men on these dating sites are those who have been given the bum’s rush by women wiser than them.’

Babs realised Timothy was listening to their conversation. She could see the poor soul sipping his mulled wine from one of her insulated coffee mugs and looking a little forlorn and lost. She steered Sue into the garden where John was chatting to Jilly, much to the annoyance of Maria. Maria appeared to be trying to draw Jilly out on her opinion of the Green Party in Brighton. Babs noticed that Jilly was adept at shielding such questions. Jilly told Maria that she had not lived in Brighton long enough to form any opinions on the Green Party. Maria tried to belittle Jilly by saying that surely Jilly must know about the record of the Green Party in Brighton. Babs heard Jilly cooly tell Maria that she did not believe in discussing sex, religion and politics with people at social events. Babs watched as Jilly walked away from Maria and joined Babs and Sue.

‘Jilly what a wise move. Let me introduce you to Sue.’

Babs watched as Jilly smiled one of her perfect smiles and gave Sue her full attention.

‘How lovely to meet you Sue.’

Babs could see that Maria certainly did not like being upstaged by this newcomer. Maria always liked to think that she was the one who brought the beauty and elegance to any event. Babs watched as John rushed to fill Maria’s glass. Poor John she thought, he is smitten.

The door bell rang and the food arrived. Babs busied herself with putting the savoury food on the table in the kitchen and the desserts on the dining room table. 

 Babs always felt that the moment the food was available at a party the atmosphere improved. She encouraged everyone to help themselves and refreshed their glasses. Her doorbell rang, she went to see who had arrived. It was Ying. Babs had forgotten that she had invited her. She was not alone she was with a bearded man with a dog.

‘Hiya Babs sorry I’m late and I hope you don’t mind that I have bought Gunter with me.’

‘Hi, Ying I don’t mind Gunter but I am afraid I do mind his dog. Gunter come in but please tie your dog up outside.’ Gunter looked upset.

‘But he is my 4 legged friend.’

‘Yes Gunter and he is probably your only friend, but he ain’t coming into my house!’

Ying looked embarrassed. Gunter turned to her and said.

‘Sorry Ying but love me, love my dog!’

Sue entered the hall and made eye contact with Gunter. He looked like he had seen a ghost and beat a quick retreat. Ying came in and Babs could tell that she had already ‘imbibed’ as Clive would say.

‘Ying the food is here now so help yourself. What can I get you to drink?’

Ying handed her a rather nice New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.

‘Sorry Babs, we were on a date and I just thought it would be nice to come to a party with a man in tow for once.’

‘Ok, not your wisest decision, but I forgive you and I will get you a glass of this. I suggest you meet Clive first, I think you will like him.’

Clive and Harry were still in the sitting room. Clive was droning on to Harry about his Campervan. Yings eyes were fixed on Harry and Babs could tell that Ying had already forgotten all about Gunter.

Babs went to get Ying her drink. She found Sue looking a little shell shocked in the kitchen sipping her lemonade.

‘You ok Sue?’

‘God that man that Ying arrived with! He was one of my dates.’

‘From the look of you it wasn’t your best.’

‘No he was a total arsehole and a bloody liar.’

‘Tell me next week when we have our coffee, but trust Ying to think it was ok to bring him here with his fucking dog in tow!’

‘Well we all know that woman hasn’t a clue about many things!’

Babs looked at the clock in her kitchen and was shocked that it was only 2.15! She wondered why parties were so exhausting. A part of her wondered why she bothered, as they were hard work. Pleasing and pandering to so many different people’s preferences and points of view was hard work.

 Her door bell rang again. Babs went to see who was there and was surprised to see Gemma. Gemma was one of what Babs would describe as her acquaintances, but not really a friend. When Babs had invited her she doubted that she would ever bother to come. Gemma was one of those women who accepted every offer but was always waiting for the better offer before committing herself. She was glamorous and fitted Bab’s idea of an accomplished woman. Gemma was wearing skinny jeans with a lovely leather jacket and a bright blue blouse. She had a lovely pair of blue sandals and her toe nails were also perfect blue gel nails. Her long blonde hair also looked salon finished. She was wearing her signature red lipstick. She exuded sexuality as she always did. Gemma was a blonde bombshell with a fantastic body and she knew it. Babs steered her into her sitting room to meet Clive, Ying and Harry after extracting her bottle of Champagne with Gemma’s strict instructions that she would prefer to drink her own Champagne, rather than Bab’s prosecco if she didn’t mind.

Babs didn’t give a damn and took the bottle but was amused to see Ying give Gemma dagger looks. Babs noticed that Harry’s eyes were locked onto Gemma’s rather ample breasts. Babs knew that women like Gemma who had never had babies always looked better and younger than women who had suffered pregnancies, sleepless nights and the stress of rearing children.

 There was a buzz of conversation in the kitchen. Babs noticed that Timothy was standing alone and looked like a fish out of water. Babs felt sorry for him, she opened Gemma’s champagne poured a glass and took it to the sitting room. She returned to the kitchen poured herself a glass of prosecco and helped herself to some food and went to talk to Timothy.

‘How are you doing Timothy? Is the food ok.’

‘Babs it is lovely and thank you so much for inviting me. I am afraid I am not good company really.’

‘Timothy don’t you worry about that. I think I can only imagine how it must be for you trying to re build a life without someone who was so much part of everything you did.’

‘Thanks and yes she was. Any advice?’

‘I think you are doing all that you can at the moment. You came here and that must be better than being on your own. I daresay your daughter has her hands full with her children and must worry about you.’

‘Yes she is a good girl and I feel I have to be less of a burden on her.’

‘The only advice I have for you Timothy is to try and get back to the man that was the one in your Meetup profile picture. He looked like someone was taking care of him. I think your wife would like to hope that you are able to do this for yourself now.’

Babs saw a look cross Timothy’s face which she would describe later as a ‘lightbulb’ moment.

Babs told Timothy that she needed to check on her guests and left him to ponder on her words. She headed back to the sitting room. Harry was sitting on the sofa with Gemma and Ying hanging on his every word. Jilly was helping herself to dessert. Clive was in the corner fiddling with her Wi-Fi router.  She was about to ask him what he was doing when the doorbell went.

 Cockney Gordon had arrived and he was a little worse for wear.

‘Sorry Babs I’ve been on the dog and bone to my skin and blister. She’s having a bit of a rough time then I bumped into Dan on the way here and he dragged me into the Neptune for a few tumbles down the sink.’

‘You’re here now, come in and what can I get you to drink? There is still some food left.’

Gordon produced a few cans of strong lager and said he didn’t need a glass. Babs said if he was happy to drink from a can that was his choice and steered him towards the food in the kitchen. She reckoned he needed something to soak up the alcohol. Babs checked in on how Jilly was doing. Babs found Jilly looking a little bored as Clive seemed to be keen to explain to her the ins and outs of wi-fi routers. Ying had monopolised Harry. Harry clearly preferred Jilly’s company as his eyes kept straying from Ying who was telling him a story which was meant to portray her as a wonderful person. Babs knew Ying and she could tell that Harry seemed unconvinced. Babs guessed that Gemma was probably out in the garden trying to prize John away from Maria.

 The door bell went again. Babs went to the door and greeted her last guest Fanny. Fanny as always was late and loaded with gifts for Babs.

‘Fanny welcome! I was just beginning to wonder if you had forgotten!’

Fanny embraced Babs warmly.

‘Sorry my lovely! You know me I am always late. Here you are, some booze, flowers, chocolates and a little something that I have made for you.’

Fanny was a total eccentric and one of the kindest people that Babs had ever met. She hadn’t been to any of Babs’ meetings for a while because she had been staying with her elderly mother in Ireland. Babs felt that Fanny would be able to rescue Jilly from Clive’s dull monopolisation.

‘Fanny come and meet Jilly. What can I get you to drink?’

‘Oh a glass of fizz if there is any left.’

Babs felt it was time to fill everyone’s glasses if they hadn’t already done so.

As she went around asking people what they would like she was struck by how pleasant the event was. It is good to get people together and encourage them to eat, drink and be merry. There wasn’t a single couple amongst them. Babs had plenty of friends who were couples but today was a little celebration of what it is like to be in Hove and living on your own. She felt she was part of a community. She felt pleased that she could play her part in encouraging older people to socialise. They were a mixed bunch and not everyone saw eye to eye, or got on. She had done what she said she could do, she had filled her home with accomplished women. The men would just about fit in her bathroom.

 There was a buzz in the kitchen of people chatting and enjoying themselves. Gordon was entertaining Timothy with his cockney rhyming slang. She watched Maria delighting in John’s very focussed attention.  Sue was regaling Trish with stories of her disastrous dates. Babs never thought she would end up living alone. She thought about her married friends who were always astounded by how much she did. Babs did not think that growing older and living alone was easy. However,   Brighton and Hove was one of the best places to grow old and disgraceful in.

 She suddenly became aware of raised voices in her sitting room. She opened a new bottle of fizz, poured herself a glass and went to investigate what was going on.

 She found a somewhat sanctimonious Ying standing by the fireplace arms crossed and staring at Gemma. Clive was sitting in the dining room area helping himself to Baklavas and seemed totally unaware of what was kicking off at the other end of the room. There was no sign of Jilly or Fanny who were probably in the garden. Harry was in rugby referee mode trying to ‘talk Gemma down.’ Babs noticed he was still staring at Gemma’s breasts. Babs used her quiet, calming and diffusing voice, one she had cultivated for many years in the Police.

‘Everything ok here? Anyone like a top up?’ Gemma glared at her.

‘What makes this little shit think she has any right to judge me?’

Babs looked at Ying. Ying had obviously done what she does really well. She had thrown a grenade and backed off. Babs looked at Harry and wondered what part he had played in all of this. She suspected both Ying and Gemma quite fancied Harry and each wanted to claim him. Babs knew that Gemma was quite capable of having a full-on cat fight with Ying. The last thing Babs wanted was a fight in her sitting room. Her police experience told her that she needed to get Ying out of her sitting room. She was never going to ask Gemma to calm down.

 The noise from the sitting room had come to the attention of people in her kitchen.    She was surprised to find Timothy entering the room and observing what was unwinding. Babs found herself gesturing to Timothy much the way she would have gestured to another officer. Surprisingly the next thing to happen was nothing short of genius. Babs engaged Gemma and had her back to Ying. Timothy moved over to Ying and escorted her to the kitchen. As Gemma was the more volatile person but not necessarily truly to blame for the altercation, Babs managed to persuade her to sit on the sofa with her and discuss what had just happened. Harry took the opportunity to say his goodbyes and leave. Babs knew that it was important for Gemma to tell her what had led to this incident. Meanwhile, Maria and John had come to have some Baclava and Turkish delight. Clive had returned to the kitchen to have more of his cans. Babs was aware that Maria was listening in to her conversation with Gemma.

‘Babs, that woman is a total piece of work. She pretends she is so zen. She always claims the moral high ground and thinks she is the only one who is right.’

‘Ok Gemma, what did Ying do that made you so upset?’

‘She saw Harry chatting me up. I could tell that she fancied him and thought she deserved him better than me.’

‘Deserved?’

‘Babs she is one of those people who thinks the universe will grant her stuff.’

‘Ok, so how did this influence what just happened Gemma?’

‘She told me that I needed to reform my ways.’

‘I see and what did that entail?’

‘She said in front of Harry that I was just mistress material. She claimed to know that there were two married men that I was currently ‘dating.’

Babs could see that Maria was giving her full attention to this conversation. She suggested to Gemma that they moved somewhere a little more private. Gemma agreed and Babs could see that Maria was displeased.

Babs led Gemma to her bedroom with the bottle of prosecco and their glasses. She checked her watch and was surprised to see that it was almost 4pm.

Babs sat on her bed and offered Gemma her dressing table chair.

‘Ok and is there any truth in this?’

Gemma looked a little flushed.

‘What if there is?’

‘Well if it is true why are you so upset by what Ying thinks?’

‘I just don’t know how she found out. I have always been so discreet.’

‘Who else knows?’

Gemma gave this some thought.

‘I might have told that Harriet woman.’

‘Ok, any reason why?’

‘We were at some event and she was banging on about how she was different to many of the women who live in Brighton and Hove.’

‘Well she is, she is a bit thick, dull and lives in a Bungalow in Lancing.’

‘She kept going on about how threatened men get by intelligent women.’

‘And?’

‘We had both had a few glasses of wine. So I told her how dull she was and any man who fancied her must be very stupid.’

‘She then said that I didn’t have a man because I was too glamorous, bright and intimidating.’

‘I was pissed off with her and told her that I was the mistress of two very important men.’

‘Gemma was that wise?’

‘Well I don’t care what people think.’

‘Well you cared about the remark that Ying made.’

‘I really fancied Harry. There aren’t many good looking older single men in Hove.’

‘Yes and Ying felt the same. I find it really hard when women don’t support each other. Anyway he has a girlfriend.’

‘Well why did he make a big point of giving me his phone number then?’

‘That I do not know Gemma. Anyway I think it is time that Ying went home. Stay here and I will make sure she leaves. She arrived slightly pissed and with an arsehole with a dog in tow. She had no right to make that remark and she needs to learn that she is not faultless.’

 When Babs went to find Ying, Timothy informed her that he had suggested that she left. Babs could have hugged Timothy. She checked in on the other guests. Fanny, Sue, Trish and Jilly were discussing interiors in the garden. Maria and John were in deep conversation under her gazebo. Gordon was in the sitting room talking to Clive. Clive looked a bit puzzled and it was obvious that he had no knowledge of rhyming slang.

 When Babs went to fetch Gemma she found her fast asleep on her bed. Babs left her and checked the clock, it was 5.30 and soon she would be ushering her guests out of the house and then she could clear up and relax. There was very little food left which Babs took to be a sign that there had been just about enough. Apart from the Ying and Gemma incident she felt it had gone pretty well. She joined Fanny, Trish, Sue and Jilly in the garden. Jilly and Sue were drinking water, Trish was drinking red wine and Fanny was drinking fizz. Babs could tell that Jilly was enjoying herself. Jilly reminded Babs of someone and she couldn’t quite put her finger on who it was. Babs saw Timothy standing alone in the kitchen sipping the last of his mulled wine and she went over to talk to him.  

‘How are you doing Timothy?’

‘Fine. I have been thinking about what you said about me earlier. That was quite a brave and bold thing to say.’

‘Yes it probably was, but I am known for being honest and direct.’

‘All I can say is that I have taken it on board. My wife would have liked you Babs. She was never one to mince her words either.’

‘Thanks for sorting Ying out.’

‘No problem. I have met women like her before.’

‘Can I ask you what you used to do when you worked?’

‘I was a Barrister. But I have also worked as a mediator’

Babs was surprised and yet not surprised.

 Gemma emerged shortly before 6pm. She looked a little tousled but this only seemed to add to her sexiness. By 6.05 the good byes and thank yous had been said. The moment everyone left, Babs took all of the glasses into the kitchen. She cleared the rest of the food away. She took her bra off, poured herself a final glass of fizz and sat on the sofa. She woke up at 2 am and wondered where the rest of her evening had gone.