COPYRIGHT@GERRY ROSE

TRISH

 Trish thought she should know better by now. She did her best to walk into the lobby of her apartment building and look as though she was sober. She managed to cling to the banister and climb to her first floor flat. She prayed that her nosy neighbour would be recovering from some sort of vegan horror meal at 10.30 pm on a cold February evening. Unfortunately Trish suspected that Nosy Rosy had some sort of motion sensor device which was attached to her front door, which was opposite Trish’s, as she always seemed to know when Trish was returning to her Palmeira Square flat. As she struggled to fit her key into the lock, Rosy’s door opened. Trish knew that she had choices, she could just continue to fumble with her key and then make a quick exit into her flat, or she could acknowledge that Rosy was watching her. Trish continued to fumble and then the inevitable happened, Rosy addressed her in her own predictable way.

‘Trish are you ok? You look a little worse for wear.’

Trish tried to think of a witty response on the lines of that famous Churchill quote about so do you, but at least I will be sober in the morning. She decided that it was always wise to be polite to your neighbours.

‘Oh Rosy how kind of you to be so concerned about me. Did I interrupt some wonderful vegan sausage pie you were eating?’

‘I thought you were aware that I abhor vegan food which pretends to be meat, plus it is rather late. Do you want me to unlock your door for you?’

Trish wanted to refuse this offer, but her bladder was ready to burst.

‘Yes thanks Rosy I am desperate for the loo.’

Rosy took the keys from Trish and effortlessly opened the door for her. Trish waited for the next comment from Rosy which would of course be some sort of put down.

‘Trish this is a little unbecoming in a woman of 73.’

Trish wished her friends would stop sending her cards with her exact age on them. She thought back to the days before personalisation when people could only obtain cards which said 18, 21, 65. Now every single year could be documented.

‘Yes Rosy it must be wonderful to be 80 and so sensible, but thanks for your help.’

Trish shot into her flat before Rosy could reply.  

Trish felt a great sense of relief as she reached the lavatory. She blamed Babs for tonight’s excess. Trish had completed dry January for the first time in many years. She had attended one of Babs’ dining group meals. Babs ran a group called ‘Retired from work, but not from life.’ She organised a variety of events which included walks and day trips to nearby towns and villages which were easy to get to by bus. Trish always enjoyed the meals where they explored restaurants, pubs and bars which were value for money.  They had gone to a Lebanese pop-up restaurant in Portland Road. Trish always enjoyed Babs’ company and liked to get out in the evenings. Living on your own can be a bit predictable at times. When a group of single older women got together their conversation inevitably turned to what they were accessing on Netflix via the password of their sons or daughters.

 Meetup events could be at times both predictable and unpredictable. Meetup is a wonderful concept, but it can attract some very trying people. After living in Brighton and Hove for 35 years, Trish was used to the weird and wonderful, but it was the dull and boring which she found hard to cope with. Despite its image, there were plenty of people in Brighton and Hove who were very pedestrian. She was also aware that Hove did tend to attract people who were more conformist than those who chose to live in Brighton. Trish also recognised that Meetups did seem to attract many socially challenged people. Thankfully, there were always new people moving to Brighton and Hove and Trish knew that if they were socially aware, they too had heard of Meetup. This meant that there was always the possibility that new people turning up to events might be interesting and worth getting to know. Trish was always optimistic and Meetup remained a great way of meeting people. She knew that you had to be discerning and choose which events you attended with care and consideration. Trish would always check the app before signing up for some of Babs’ events and others that she was a member of. There were some people that she really could not abide and if she saw they were attending, she would not sign-up. Trish knew that lots of people followed suit. As she said on many an occasion, she valued her life too much to spend time with certain people. She knew that time spent with these people was 3 hours of her life she would never get back. Life was too short to warrant such a wastage of her precious time.

 Trish had learned to spot the dullards when arriving at a Meetup event and actively avoided sitting next to them. Unfortunately tonight, Trish had arrived late and was sandwiched between a woman called Nicky, who seemed to have a familiar smell which Trish could not place and a man called Terry. Trish knew that neither Nicky nor Terry were never going to enhance her evening. Babs was at the other end of the table sandwiched between two other boring individuals, Clive and Kate. Trish had met this pair before and felt sorry for Babs.

 Trish was still doing a bit of freelance work as a journalist. Part of her always liked interviewing new people and finding out their stories. These days the articles she wrote were very tame and were usually about products which elderly people needed. She missed her investigative journalism days. Nicky and Terry were sitting in silence and looked like two rabbits in the headlights. Trish who was quite comfortable with silences did consider waiting for them to say something. Babs gave Trish the secret sign which they used when these situations arose. It was at tap on one closed eye and a tap on the nose. ‘I know’ was what it stood for. Babs tapped on her water glass and welcomed everyone.

‘Hi, everyone, I know most of you. I am Babs, can we just go around the table and introduce ourselves please. It is always good to know how long you have lived in Brighton and Hove and what your hobbies are. I lived in Brighton for 20 years but following my divorce I moved to Hove. I have lived here just over 10 years. My hobbies are running and paddle boarding.’

Clive jumped in.

‘I am Clive, I moved to Hangleton from Esher in 2007 after my divorce. I have lovingly restored a 1964 VW Campervan T2 Splittie and just love touring the U.K. and meeting fellow campervan enthusiasts. We really do have a laugh!’

Kate was happy to go next,

‘I am Kate, I live in Portslade. I am also a Campervan enthusiast, but I have a more modest van. I bought a Renault Kangoo Micro Camper 2 years ago and it has literally saved my life. Like Clive I have found a whole new community! Winters are more difficult though as a lot of the sites close.’

Nicky hesitated and looked uncomfortable. Babs was encouraging.

‘You must be Nicky. I think this is your first time coming to a Meetup, don’t worry if you don’t have a hobby.’

Nicky seemed to find her voice.

‘I am Nicky and I live in Worthing. I have just moved there from Southampton following a rather acrimonious divorce. There is not much going on in Worthing. My main hobby is visiting charity shops.’

Trish was next and now she recognised the smell which exuded from Nicky. It was eau de charity shop, which was a mixture of stale sweat, moth balls and mildew.

‘Hi, I am Trish I can’t boast about an acrimonious divorce because I have never been married. I have lived in Palmeira Square Hove for over 30 years. I am still doing a little freelance journalism work. My hobby is eating, drinking and talking but I try not to do all 3 at the same time!’

Babs winked at Trish. Terry cleared his throat and took a sip of water and then launched.

‘I am Terry, I have lived in Worthing for all of my 68 years. My mother is always telling me that I need to get out more. My hobby is collecting Seagulls memorabilia. I have been a lifetime supporter of Brighton and Albion Football Club and I spend a lot of my time trawling the internet for anything which pertains to this club. I have never had any desire to be married. My mother looks after me so well I have never felt the need to find a wife.’

Trish needed a drink she didn’t want to think about Terry and his mother. The restaurant was a BYOB which she most certainly had. She had brought a bottle of Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc in a small cool bag. She took it out and out of politeness she offered some to Nicky and Terry. She was mightily relieved when neither wanted any. Babs had a matching bottle at the other end of the table. Clive only drank beer and Kate had given up alcohol following an unfortunate incident at a campsite. Trish and Babs raised their glasses and got down to the serious business of ordering the food.

 ‘Ok everyone, can I suggest that we order a mixed meze for 6. Then we can choose our own main course.’

 Trish was happy to go along with Babs’ suggestion and was pleasantly surprised when the others did too. She was used to Meetup meals being problematic as a lot of people were vegans, or had various food intolerances. Nicky and Terry were silent again. The waiter came and took their orders and brought large jugs of tap water. Nicky and Terry seemed content to drink water. The thought did cross Trish’s mind that if she only drank water she would save a lot of money. Kate and Clive were having a very intense conversation and Babs looked bored. Trish raised a glass to Babs who winked and said cheers! Trish had no desire to find out more about Terry’s memorabilia which no doubt consisted of shirts, scarves, programmes and such stuff. She was a little more interested to hear about Nicky’s adventures in the charity shops.

‘Nicky where would I find the best charity shops in Hove?’

Nicky looked delighted to be asked this question.

‘Well that very much depends on what you are looking for.’

Trish would not be looking for anything in a charity shop, but went along with this idea as a means of filling the time until their food arrived.

‘Ok what if I was looking for an outfit for a wedding?’

‘Your own or attending as a guest.’ Trish could tell that Nicky was a stickler for detail.

‘Attending as a guest.’

‘An evening guest or day guest?’

‘Both.’ Trish thought this would give Nicky plenty of scope.

‘Of course the items in any shop will vary according to their donations on any given day. However, I would go to the British Heart Foundation shop in George Street.’

Trish would of course never consider buying an outfit to attend a wedding from a charity shop. She would consider renting an outfit, but would never waste her time trawling through other people’s cast offs.

The food arrived which enabled Trish to thank Nicky for her advice and change topics.

‘Well this all looks fabulous. Well chosen Babs. What do think so far Terry?’

‘Yes it all looks fantastic I think I might bring my mother here one night. She likes exotic food.’

Trish was surprised that Terry’s mother would like anything other than British food but you shouldn’t judge a mother by their child she had learned.

‘This kibbeh is fantastic Nicky have you tried some?’

Trish could see that Terry was probably an only child and was not used to sharing food. He was busy filling his plate with no consideration for the fact that the plate at their end of the table was for 3 people. She caught Babs looking at Terry and she gave Trish a knowing look. The conversation had dried at Trish’s end of the table. Clive and Kate were trying their best to regale Babs with stories of chemical lavatories and campsite entertainment. Trish just caught Kate extolling the virtues of a woman called Betty, who loved nothing more than playing her accordion for fellow campers. Trish was pleased with her choice of main course, a delicious chicken shawarma. She felt the need to continue to make polite conversation with Nicky and Terry.

‘Terry how is your shish taouk?’

‘Oh my mother would enjoy this. It has a lovely flavour’

Trish wondered if Terry was capable of saying anything which did not reference his mother. Trish poured herself more wine and she caught Babs’ eye and they raised their glasses to each other again. Trish knew that Babs would want her to go to the pub after the meal just the two of them, so they could have a post mortem of the meal and the company. Trish thought that it would be very unlikely that Nicky and Terry would want to join them. Kate and Clive might, but she trusted that Babs would be careful and would not mention going to the pub.

 No one had room for dessert. The bill came and unusually there was very little discussion about it. Trish knew that was because no alcohol was involved. She had witnessed too many discussions about who had drunk more than another diner when bottles of wine were bought and shared. She knew better than to share wine at Meetups and BYOB was always better and cheaper.

 Babs and Trish said goodbye to the others outside the restaurant. Clive was happy to accept a lift home from Kate and Terry and Nicky made their way to catch the 700 back to Worthing. Babs and Trish waited until the others had disappeared and then headed to the Stoneham.

 Babs and Trish shared a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Babs felt the need to apologise to Trish about being sandwiched between the two new members.

‘Sorry about the company tonight. I think in future I am going to put name cards on the table. I should have put Kate, Clive, Nicky and Terry next to each other. We could have sat next to each other then and had a decent conversation that didn’t involve camping, charity shops and Oedipus complexes!’

‘That’s an excellent idea! The food was very good and I enjoyed my wine particularly knowing that I had not paid and arm and a leg for it!’

‘Yes this bottle just cost us a tenner each!’

‘Oh well cheers!’

‘Cheers!’

Once they had finished their first glass of wine and had concluded that Kate and Clive should become an item, as only they could put up with each other. They poured more wine and moved on to Nicky and Terry.

‘Just when I thought I had met all the dull people who live around here Nicky and Terry come along.’

‘Yes Trish but they do live in Worthing.’

‘And they have to come to Brighton and Hove to have a night out.’

‘Well have you ever tried to have a good night out in Worthing?’

‘No I can’t say I have.’

‘Well don’t ever try is my advice.’

‘Terry is a bit obsessed with his mother.’

‘So it appears but at least he didn’t come with her.’

‘No she is encouraging him to get out and live!’

‘At 68 he is a late starter.’

‘What have you got planned for the rest of the week?’

‘I’ve got that walk and talk session in Seaford on Thursday.’

‘Who’s going to that?’

‘That woman who is obsessed with buses.’

‘OMG not her!’

‘Yep and that man who regrets moving to Kemptown.’

‘The homophobic one?’

‘Yep and the woman who believes every man is crazy about her.’

‘The ex-model?’

‘Yep and the woman with the tics.’

‘Not live ticks the one who makes those noises?’

‘Yep the Tourette type tics.’

‘Wow Babs you are a bloody saint!’

‘No not really I just like being busy.’

‘Can’t you just join U3A?’

‘What and meet really dull up their own arse people?’

‘That’s your opinion Babs and I can’t possibly comment.’

‘Remember the time you went to the WI and came away almost foaming at the mouth?’

‘Yes, too right they were all that you would have expected and they sang Jerusalem too! There was a knitting group and the only decent thing they did was collect sanitary products for homeless women!’

‘Well at least they did that.’

‘It was so unlike Hove. I thought I had died and woken up in Steyning.’

‘Anyway let’s finish the wine and call it a night.’

‘Cheers here’s to women like us!’

‘Yes and here’s to meeting more women and men like us. We could do with a few, attractive, exciting older men in our lives.’

‘Ever the optimist Babs!’

‘Well I would just like to repeat my mantra. Where the hell are all of the single, attractive, solvent, intelligent and sane men in Hove?’

‘Yes but do we really need them?’

‘No but it is precisely because we don’t need them, that I would love to know where they are.’

‘And on that note I am catching my bus back to Palmeira Square and I bid you farewell.’

‘Text me when you are home safe.’

‘Yes honey and see you soon!’

 Babs lives a short distance from Jilly and on this cold night in February they know nothing of each other. Babs and Trish are not the only women out on a cold February night.